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09 May 2015 @ 01:39 am

With leiron's advice, I delve into this deep, almost forgotten corner of the internet again to write.


My love,

I want to borrow your words at this point: I am terribly, terribly happy.

And to add my own: I am scared at the same time.

We "officially" became a couple yesterday, after a year of twists and turns and what-have-you's in between. And today we had our first fight as a couple. The turn of events made me especially afraid. I fear you might change your mind at any time. But this taught me something about myself today. With you, I am willing to be a well of patience.

Forgive me now for my habit of memorializing things; I have always been a slave to the markers of time. Maybe I'd go on to mark more firsts as we go through this journey, but know now that all of this I do to always help me remember to hold on to the feeling of being absolutely, immensely complete the moment you told me you wanted me to be yours.

There will be trying times. After all, we both have conceded that we are difficult people to be with. But as one of my theology classes taught me (forgive my resort to making references to my pompous Atenean education), it's always a choice between Egypt and the Red Sea. I choose you--the sea--the future that lies ahead, no matter how frighetning the prospect is. All I am armed with is my faith, in this and the good things to come.

I love you, Nikki. Remember that from now on.

09 February 2015 @ 12:03 am

Ironic that I open my LiveJournal now and see this unpublished post.

Thank you, Nikki. For all that was.

I love you. And will love you for some time.


With every new love comes the search for new metaphors, but desire is a country that refuses relentlessly to to share its secrets. Perhaps every person who has come ever so closely to the moment of disclosure has caught a glimpse of denominating the eternal as we see through the history of all poetry. At this precise moment past and present and future collapse into the thought of you, ever so haunting yet ever so visceral at the same time.

You are poetry to me: an assembly of thoughts and words forming into a singularity. What I feel for you has grown into its own creature--keeping me up at night yearning to be named finally as love or something like it. This is the moment of its baptism, and it cannot wait any longer.

Thus the first step has finally come into fruition. At least I can call it something now after months of evasion and imprecision. What happens next is anybody's guess. But as I have disclosed time and again, I am placing my bets on the power of time to bring things into clarity and order.

I have loved before, and have so many times looked for metaphors to faithfully represent my feelings. And I will, for you---search all of language for the one that fits.

03 March 2014 @ 05:48 pm

I have found a girl, and she is wonderful.

If I were to start over again, it would be with her.

Give me this one, please?

Current Music: Keaton Henson - f.r.i.e.n.d.s | Powered by Last.fm
26 March 2012 @ 10:56 am
(Cross-posted from The Katipunan Collective)

In Midnight in Paris--Woody Allen's penultimate essay about nostalgia--it was the 'pedantic' and marginal character of Paul who voiced out the anxiety that undergirds the film: that every generation falls into the "erroneous notion that a different time period is better than the ones [they] are living in." This 'golden age thinking', as per Allen's writing, is a romantic denial of "people who find it difficult to cope with the present." A quick survey of today's popular culture would then be very revealing, as our sensibilities appear to be hegemonized by the those with wistful imaginations. Take, for instance, most of the films nominated for Best Picture in the last Academy Awards: The Artist and Hugo harked back to the pioneering years of cinema; War Horse and The Help were period pieces; and Midnight in Paris and Tree of Lifeused vignettes of the past to speak about the present.

Perhaps one of the most successful attempts to tap into this collective desire for the past is AMC's multi-Emmy Award winning series Mad Men, which returned for its fifth season last night. It might appear to be business as usual for the ad men of Madison Avenue as the marketing campaign for the show hinted: the debauchery, lust, swagger, confidence, and gallantry of the sixties are definitely back. Changes, however, will be noticeable and definitely in order. Peggy Olson is no longer the naive and conservative girl who came out from the idyllic fifties, and the serene ideal of the suburban upper-middle class household has been invaded by emerging norms related to divorce and unconventional family arrangements, as embodied by the predicament of the Drapers.

The show will take place in 1965, right smack in the middle of the West's transition to more politically charged times. By 1965, the Civil Rights movement had won its most important battle; Camelot had already fallen; and while the United States had successfully averted a close shave with nuclear conflict, another war in a distant land had to be fought for in the name of progress and freedom. In a few years, the energy of the youth will burst into the streets and demand for new ways of thinking about the world--that the dichotomy between the blaring red of Communism and the metallic sheen of the Free World is no longer sufficient to explain why things are the way they are.

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02 March 2012 @ 05:30 am
My progress with thesis this week is honestly more substantial and productive than the sum of the activity I had in the previous year. That would be my justification for this short LiveJournal break while thinking about how to revert my discussion on Indonesian urban planning with law and order in the Marcos regime. So enough with the academic stuff for the next few minutes. The reason why I feel like rambling at this hour and in the middle of productivity time is to talk about Bon Iver.

If I remember correctly, I have posted about Justin Vernon in this blog a couple of years ago when I was in JTA. Bon Iver seemed like the perfect soundtrack to my life back then: I was temporarily studying in a strange country, I was recovering from a very bad life event, and I was mustering up enough courage to do something new with my life. I am not exaggerating whenever I say that Vernon's first artistic output as Bon Iver, the album For Emma, saved my life. I personally think that the quiet success of For Emma was a combination of the unexpected brilliance of the material and story behind it. I honestly doubt that if not for the Thoreau-esque tale of Vernon holing up in the woods to recover from a break-up, For Emma would not be considered as one of the best and most poignant records of the last decade. My bias shows mostly when a comparison between For Emma and his sophomore work Bon Iver, Bon Iver is brought up. The latter, I think, offers stronger material and gives us an idea of how Vernon has matured with his craft. 

It took too long for Justin Vernon to be recognized by the mainstream (and this doesn't even include his other equally terrific work with DeYarmond Edison and his solo outputs), but I'm honestly glad they did. I know we operate in a world where these award-giving bodies have been reduced to notions of exchange value and passing affirmation for the trends of the day, but his acceptance speech gave us the insight on the real significance of things like the Grammys: that 'business as usual' in the contemporary artistic scene which has turned into an industry of profiteering discursively defines who are the 'haves' and 'have nots', and who are just in it for the money and those who are in it for something greater. His humility and seemingly unnerved reaction are, in fact, acts of braveness, in that he stood up and spoke for (quite literally) those who will always be the 'subalterns' of the music business.

So suck it, Nicki Minaj. While the award was indeed a question of quality, I think it is primarily a question of struggle and making it through despite what the system defines. At this point, I remain a fan, and I remain even more hopeful that Justin Vernon will continue what he has started and always see the music business as an industry that has to be reminded of how it really operates.
Current Mood: calmcalm
08 August 2011 @ 04:32 am
 Currently residing here.
Current Music: Erlend Øye - Prego Amore | Powered by Last.fm
26 July 2011 @ 05:26 am
This isn't an act of abandonment. 
09 April 2011 @ 07:10 pm

coz ezra koenig said so.
Current Mood: ecstaticecstatic
Current Mood: ecstaticecstatic
24 March 2011 @ 05:05 am
 I'll write this post later.